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“I just want to be happy” is a mantra that echoes in the longing
hearts of so many individuals. And yet, this seemingly simple goal seems to
evade so many of us. Gurus and self-help books offer much advice on how to
grasp this elusive objective. They make their millions and as for us, well,
recent statistics show that only 19 percent of Americans are “very happy.” Twenty four percent indicated they were
"not very happy." The remaining respondents labelled themselves as
"fairly happy.”
The ancient Jewish teachings of the Mishna teach
us the way to achieve happiness in one sentence, which in Jewish fashion,
starts with a question: “Who is rich[contented]? One who is happy with his lot.” Happiness, my friends, is a
state of mind that is reached through one thing alone: Gratitude.
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Gratitude is the means through which we discipline ourselves to
appreciate what we have now and in the moment. Gratitude is our testament of
faith whereby we acknowledge that things are happening FOR us, not TO us.
Instead, most of us grumble as we go and imagine all the things we think we need,
with the uncorroborated hopes that they will make us happier. When we live in
gratitude instead of “baditude,” we focus on what we have, we value our
lot, instead of pouring destructive energy into what we lack. As the expression
goes: “Where focus goes, energy flows.”
Unfortunately, an even more popular sentence starts with,
“I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong, BUT….” There is always a "but." In Hebrew, the
word aval, BUT, is spelled the same as the word mourning.
The but allows us to pivot to sadness and complaints.
When we live with gratitude, there are no “ifs,” “ands,” or “buts”!
And that is why the first thing a Jew says every morning before getting out of
bed is, “Thank You.” This 12-word Hebrew
prayer “Modeh Ani” inverts normal syntax and loosely translated starts with,
“Thank You, I.” The “thanks” comes before the “I.” Living in gratitude is living
in faith and it is transformative.
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Modern studies prove this to be true. If we make sincere gratitude, ritual
gratitude, a daily practice, we can increase our happiness and even improve our
health. Gratitude reduces cortisol in the body, reduces depression, improves
relationships, and improves productivity and loyalty in employees. It also has
a pay-it-forward impact. Whereas misery loves company, gratitude is a creative
force that illuminates the world and realigns it.
It’s interesting that in Hebrew the word for thank you is todah,
when those same letters are
permuted, they spell the word dotah which means “illness.”
When we are unthankful, we are like an emotionally sick person and we separate
ourselves from the Source of life and abundance. For certain the ungrateful
among us eat themselves up alive and make themselves sick.
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Being thankful and grateful is not only a state of mind; it has to
be reflected in actions. We have to think thanks and also
speak it and do it! And so, in this week’s Torah reading, Moses tells the
Israelites that when they come to the Promised Land, they are to bring the first-ripened fruits and declare gratitude for
all that G‑d has done
for them. Giving thanks reminds us that we are not responsible for our
success. Gratitude is a life-enhancing holy lens through which to view the
world and the part we play in it.
And though today there is no Temple to which we can bring fruits,
we can and must still express our gratitude. We can do this by giving charity
(ten to 20 percent of our incomes), by praying every day to G-d for all we have
and all we are, by doing mitzvot, and by saying thank you to the people we
interact with in our lives. Modern day people might be inclined to roll their eyes when
they hear that King David advocated saying 100 blessings a day, i.e., phrases
of thanks, to ward off a plague. Today, science shows that practicing gratitude
rewires our brains and keeps us healthy.
Both personally and professionally, I’ve known too many people who
have a “use them and abuse them” mentality. They take what they can from us,
even from G-d, and when our usefulness expires, they kick us to the curb. These
thankless people may regard themselves as geniuses in their game of life, but
the Torah regards them as Pharaohs, as arrogant enemies of Hashem. People are
the vessels through which G-d delivers His blessings. If you treat people badly,
you treat G-d badly.
We read in the Torah about Joseph’s death, and how “a new king
arose over Egypt who knew not Joseph.” This is the Joseph who made the country
rich and saved it from ruin. This is the famous Joseph, with a coat of many
colors, who we all still know about thousands of years later. Yet, somehow,
Pharaoh just couldn’t seem to remember him. After all, remembering comes with a
heavy price - we might have to say, “Thank you.” Instead, the new Pharaoh
showed his gratitude by enslaving Joseph’s people and descendants and
embittering their lives.
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In contrast, the Torah teaches us a very different lesson about
gratitude. After all the suffering which the Egyptians caused the Israelites
over their long years of slavery, the Torah commands us, “You shall not hate an
Egyptian.” Why not? We are not permitted
to despise them because they once hosted us in a time of need. We were once
sojourners in their land. If we are not permitted to hate those who tormented
us because they were once good to us, imagine how much more we owe those who
were good to us! And how much gratitude we owe to G-d most of all!
There are many other examples in the Torah which offer us
sensitivity training about appreciation: Moses would not strike the waters of
the Nile and turn them to blood because those waters had saved his life when he
was a baby.
It is only when we are in a perpetual state of gratitude that our
best blessings are yet to come. The Talmud teaches that the Divine presence will not
rest on a person in a state of sadness. Gratitude is a fundamental of
Judaism. In fact, the term "Yehudi"-- Jew, comes from the Hebrew name
Yehuda, which means thanks and gratitude. It is thus from the tribe of Yehuda
that the Mashiach will come.
Change your mind, change your find! If you’re grateful you
can be happy now. Put
on your rose colored glasses and give life a new look!
Shabbat Shalom
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