Does It Pay to Be Nice?

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Are you a nice person? What makes you think so? Then there is the better question: Does it “pay” to be nice? The word “nice” derived from Middle English, once meant ignorant and stupid. People do indeed often take you for foolish, stupid or weak when you’re nice. In corporate America, I learned quickly that being nice wouldn’t pave the road to success but rather ensured you’d end up being roadkill on that very same road.

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Did it pay for Moses to be nice? You can’t get nicer than him. He led his people to the Promised Land via great efforts and personal sacrifice, and in the end he himself wasn’t even allowed in. He didn’t even end up with a Lifetime Achievement Award. If being nice pays, how come only the good die young? How come the squeaky wheel gets serviced? How come it’s the guy who punches hardest that wins the heavyweight championship and not the guy who gives him a massage? How come Putin is blasting his way through the Ukraine and getting away with it?

It is very hard to keep being nice in a world that often deems you a fool for being so. Let’s face it, nice guys finish last.

But, my friends, if we don’t like the answers it’s because we have approached these questions with a capitalistic mindset. We want payment in the here and now to prove being nice is worth it. However, we are not here to walk our days on earth as collectors of treats because we did something good. Life is a whetting stone we must use to shape us into the best version of ourselves. We are meant to be conquerors of our own evil impulses, temptations and distractions and to build our “soul muscles” via those resistances. We are tasked with fighting the darkness by being the light.

It most certainly pays to be “nice” as prescribed by the Torah, i.e., giving charity, not hating your brother in your heart, loving your neighbor as yourself, not putting a stumbling block before the blind, etc.  Yes it “pays” but we just have to decide which currency we value and which one we want to trade in: deeds or dollars?  It is precisely because acts of kindness often get lost in an ever-darkening world that we have the additional responsibility of being extra good, extra nice and extra charitable in order to sustain the light in the world. If each one of us serves as a spark, combined we form an intense ray that can save the world—just like a laser beam (intensified light) can blast cancer. It is said that in every generation there are 36 righteous people who sustain the world, and if not for them, the world would revert to chaos. The power of “good” is the only real power we have and a sustaining force. 

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In this week’s Torah reading, Vayakhel, we read how G-d’s Tabernacle, the very place where He would speak with Moses and interface with the people was built from materials which had a very special source, the heart: “Take from yourselves an offering for the L-rd; every generous hearted person shall bring it ….” (Exodus 35:5-6). G-d’s Torah is all about having a heart for each other. The last letter of the Torah and its first, lamed and beit, respectively, spell the word "heart," lev. It’s the swivel point of our existence around which our lives must spin.

This is not an advertisement to pursue the base passions of the heart when we love something or someone forbidden to us, G-d forbid. Nor is it an excuse to have mercy on the wicked, for we are taught that if you are kind to the cruel, you will end up being cruel to the kind. But rather, we are to serve G-d with a wise and discerning heart. A wise open heart fears G-d and inspires the hand to open up too in brotherhood, compassion and charity. “Fortunate is the man who is always afraid, but he who hardens his heart will fall into evil.” (Proverbs 28:14). And so, we read in the Shema Yisrael prayer that we must love and serve G-d with all of our hearts, meaning with all our passions, both inclinations: Good and evil. We cannot love G-d if we don’t love His children. This lack of heart for each other led to the destruction of the Second Temple and nearly brought the complete annihilation of the Jews during the time of Queen Esther and Mordechai. We have only to open our eyes to see what lack of heart is doing to us now.

It is written that in the Messianic Age that “the Eternal, your G‑d, will circumcise your heart."  The question is, when that time comes, will G-d be able to find our hearts? Recently, with a first of its kind success, a genetically modified pig’s heart was implanted into a human being. I’m glad a life was saved; Yet, I can’t help but wonder, in a symbolical sense, how similar our own hearts may have come to resemble that of a chazir’s  that we can no longer distinguish between the holy and the profane, that our bodies don’t reject it.

It is said that when we die we will be shown two films. One will be a biography of our entire lives, a true nitty-gritty tell-all expose. The other film will be of all that we could have been if we had lived our lives by G-d’s cues and directions and had given our days the best performance we could, loved one another, helped one another, etc. The gap between these two films is a tragic abyss, a black hole from which no light escapes. It is in our hands NOW to decide what movie we want to make and what scenes we want to cut and leave on the edit room floor. Just remember that there are no second takes, the part you play today is a role of a lifetime. Perhaps it’s time to kill the villain inside and be the hero you were born to be. Shabbat Shalom!

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Time is a Stealer

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There are some who have too much time on their hands and others who seem to never have enough time. But some things are certain, one is that time is the most precious thing we have; it doesn’t stand still for anyone and one day we will have to give an accounting of what we did with the limited time afforded to us during this journey called life. Each moment will be a witness on Judgement Day, will the preponderance of time be your advocate, or will millions of moments and seconds prosecute you to pieces until the you you thought you were is shamed and demolished?

Friends, I’m not here to “clean your clocks” but rather just to caution you to heed them more cautiously and constructively.

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This week’s Torah reading Ki Tisa teaches us an important lesson about time. We read about the sin of the golden calf and can’t help but wonder what kind of people could build it or its like? Our own immediate grandstanding reaction is, “I wouldn’t have participated.” Even the most non-religious Jew amongst us today wouldn’t build a golden idol. Yet, the rabbis teach us that the Israelites who committed this sin were not “derelicts” but were righteous people; not only were they righteous but they had reached the level of Adam prior to sinning. Yet, in an Olympian dive, they plummeted from their highest level to their lowest point in history. How long did it take them? I’ll take God’s word for it: He tells Moses, “They have speedily left the path I commanded them.” 

Many years ago, a book came out entitled Guard Your Tongue, but more aptly for our age would be a book called Guard Your Time, for it is the mismanagement of precious moments where sins are born and potential dies. And it is in our age of too much information and distractions that we must be ever more vigilant. How often do we peek in for a second, out of curiosity, on a Netflix series and end up staying awake until 3am? The night is ruined. The next day is ruined. That opportunity to study Torah and to better spend our time is gone forever. Every moment counts!

A brilliant young Torah sage was once asked when he had the time to become so smart seeing that he was so young. He replied that everything that he knew he had learned in five minutes.

“But you are so smart,” people said. “How could it be that you learned everything in five minutes?”

To which he replied, “Every time that I had five minutes, I learned something.”

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In today’s times, unfortunately, we don’t see the cumulative magic of minutes. We think that the only thing five minutes can produce is minute rice. The fact is if we did indeed appreciate minutes, would the average American spend almost 22 hours a week watching TV and 1132 hours a year? Would people spend an average 1,300 hours a year on social media? Are we not all guilty, even the very religious, of taking God’s precious time and wasting it, of building some sort of wasteful “calf” instead of engaging in tikkun olam—fixing the world.

In our minds we justify why we are killing an hour not realizing that the hour is really killing us. If we don’t want the evil inclination to defeat the years of our lives, then we must triumph over the moments of our lives. By allowing just a few moments to go unguarded, never mind hours and days, we give satan—and trouble—the opportunity to seize the helm as we learn from the sin of the golden calf. Remember, as well, that the Angel of Death was only able to take King David’s soul by distracting him from Torah study for a few moments. 

Friends, single moments can make you or break you just as missing another airplane by a minute can make all the difference. It thus becomes a simple case of mathematics: What do you want to add up to? Do you want to fill your days with good deeds, Torah and kindness, or to be sucked into the time-free-yenta-zone of social networks, tweets, TV, too much shopping and other distractions that can propel us to speedily leave the path that God has shown us. The average person lives just over 40 million minutes in a lifetime. What is your mitzvah-to-minute ratio so far? The average person lives 27 thousand days. How are you spending your days?

Upon the death of a great sage people came to question one of his disciples and asked him what was most important to their teacher. The disciple responded, “Whatever he happened to be doing at the moment.” May we, too, all be committed to dedicating our very best to the minutes of our life so that when they add up to hours, days, and years we will have something to show for them. 

Some say time is a healer, but I say time is a stealer; it will take and steal the best of you if you don’t commit to giving it your best. It’s time to put up a sign on our lives which reads “No loitering!” And as Rabbi Hillel wisely asked, “If not now [my friends], then when?

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Why Are You Wearing That?

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How is your Latin? If I told you vestis virum facit - would you agree? It means “clothes make the man.” 

Can it really be that man, a free-willed flesh-and-blood powerhouse fashioned in G-d’s image, can be influenced and affected by the things he wears, mere shmatas?

 

The answer is yes.

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Yet, when the Torah tells us that clothing has an impact, we don't want to believe it, because fashion has evolved somewhat since the days of Moses and society along with it.

 

So, what can the Torah tell me about my outfit that Michael Kors and Armani can’t say better? Well, the Torah teaches us that clothing is vital to our well-being, while fashion’s ephemeral statements have something different to say every season.  Then science comes along and validates what the Torah has been saying for 3333 years:  What one wears can affect one’s entire life.

 

The scientific term is called “Enclothed Cognition,” and the science goes on to prove the systematic influence that clothes (as well as their colors) have on the wearer's psychological processes so much so that it can even influence one’s hormones.  

 

While most acknowledge the power of garments, the mention of G-d and religion seem to make all logic disappear.   

 

Through the years, we have all heard people brag about going to restaurants that demanded a dinner jacket. We are all familiar with golf courses which have their rules as to what their members may or may not wear.   Do we not each have our own power suits, our first date outfits and the things we’d never wear to court because we acknowledge the power of impression? 

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G-d was indeed the first “Fashion Guru.” In this week’s Torah reading of Tetzaveh, we learn about the detailed instructions which He gives to Moses regarding the clothing the Kohanim (priests) are to wear while serving in the Temple: “You shall make vestments of sanctity…for dignity and adornment.” (Shemot 28:2). For certain, the elaborate beautiful garments would increase their honor and reverence. But it goes much deeper than that. The Kohanim were only permitted to perform their service in the Temple if they were wearing   those specific garments. According to the sages, the eight holy garments worn by the Kohain Hagadol (the High Priest) were each designed to atone for a particular sin. The clothing had spiritual repercussions. They were intrinsic to the atonement process.

 

The mystical reverberations of the priestly garments are beyond our comprehension, but the lessons they seek to teach are very understandable. G-d cares about our outfits. They are transducers and invite or repel and emit certain energies. Clothes are the closest thing to us; they are basically a part of us. Each one of us is part of a priestly people, a mamlechet kohanim, and must dress the part. “You will be for Me a Kingdom of Priests and a holy people.” (Exodus 19:6)

 

In fact, the Talmudic sage, Rabbi Ḥanina, said that anyone who treats clothing with contempt, like David who tore Saul’s robe, will be punished in that ultimately he will not benefit from his garments. Indeed, at the end of his life, clothes did not keep King David warm.

 

The Gemara says that a talmid chacham (rabbinic scholar) who has a disgraceful soiled spot on his clothing is liable for death.  Instead of dismissing it as drastic, think more deeply about the power of clothing. We tend to just throw on an outfit or toss it on the floor when done. This is not proper behavior. Our relationship with our closest ally is quite complex. We learn that the clothing of the Israelites didn’t wear out or get soiled for the 40 years of their wandering in the desert. This was a gift from Hashem, showing the importance of dignified appearance.

 

The Kabbalah teaches us that clothing protects us from evil forces. Adam and Eve were clothed in a protective G-dly light before they sinned. Only after they sinned did they lose that Divine protection and need clothing.  And so, just as a long-sleeved shirt can protect you from the sun, clothing protects us from harmful energies. 

 

How many people do you see wearing a red string to ward off bad energies because they already believe that what we wear protects us physically and spiritually?  The problem is that when it comes to G-d, we’d prefer no strings attached.

 

In addition, the modesty prescribed by Judaism for both men and women is meant to protect us, to conceal and sublimate the animal and to emphasize the G-dly.

 

Some erroneously think that Judaism advocates modesty with a primitive mindset to subjugate women. The truth is the opposite. The teachings are meant to dignify women and not cheapen them as modern society does.

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One has only to acknowledge the Sodom and Gomorrah-like videos our teens post on Tik Tok to know the truth. It is societal norms which are dehumanizing, cheapening, controlling, and demeaning our young ladies today, not the dignified clothing Judaism advocates. The sages teach that what is covered is blessed, and that what is truly treasured is hidden, not flaunted.

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A Jew is not permitted to wear a garment which contains a mixture of linen and wool. The only exception is the High Priest while serving in the Temple.

 

There are many explanations for this prohibition. One explanation is that this, combination has a negative spiritual impact.

 

Just as some fabrics can cause an allergic reaction, they can also cause a spiritual reaction. Everything has its own spiritual force, and when certain items are mixed together, these forces are compromised and can become harmful. This is hardly a far-fetched idea when we know that all matter is made up of wave particles. Each item has its own energy force based on the speed of the atoms.  

 

Interestingly, linen is used for sound isolation and has anti-bacterial properties. Linen also has no static electricity. A purported study shows that when wool and linen are mixed together, their frequencies cancel each other out. 

 

There is so much more to our clothing and life than meets the eye, and only the Creator of all things can instruct us regarding the do’s and don'ts of life with any real meaning.

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Fashion magazines may applaud those who are dressed to kill.  But G-d's Book guides us to dress to live. Perhaps it's time to question: Why are you wearing that? 

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Be My Guest

Listen to article on: SoundCloud☁

Listen to article on: SoundCloud☁

I know too many people who spend a fortune on decorating and renovating their homes. They shuttle in designers from other states, then bring in the bulldozers, build extensions, cedar closets, steam rooms, top it off with crown moldings, granite counters, imported marble from Italy and furniture from France. Perhaps there is nothing wrong with that. But the problem is that after they’ve designed their castle in the sky, they don’t let anyone into their homes. Their front doormat reads, “Not Welcome.” There is no true hospitality other than their showing-off party and the eat-your-heart-out tour that’s catered with cold crudités and even colder hearts. 

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Is your newly beautified home or old one hosting Shabbat and holiday dinners and open to those who have no place to go, people going through a hard time, who are lonely, abandoned, down-and-out or poor? Do the disenfranchised have a place at your table? Does G-d? For whom are you expanding your empire when in fact, most of the time, you find your comfy corner and spend your time in that same place. You focus on your laptop or cell phone with your head and heart far away from the miles of new tiles you’ve just laid down. 

We learn the proper example to follow from our forefather Abraham. His tents were open on all sides so that people coming from any direction would have an open door and be warmly greeted.  For not only is it necessary to fulfill our guests’ s physical needs, but even more so, their emotional need of feeling welcomed and wanted. Not doing so is a serious transgression. If a guest leaves your house with a generous “doggy bag” but in tears or shame, it’s better to give the treats to a dog until you learn how to be a mensch. Abraham was greatly blessed for seeing the humanity and G-dliness in each person and treating even strangers exceptionally well.   

In contrast to Abraham, the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because they were averse to hospitality, so much so, that their inhabitants would kill their neighbors if they extended kindness to strangers. If an unfortunate person would find shelter in their midst, they’d be given the S&G treatment: if they were too tall to fit in a bed, their legs would be cut off, and if they were too short, they’d be cruelly stretched. No matter what their size, guests did not fit into the Sodom and Gomorrah mentality. 

I’m not trying to put any decorators out of business. For we learn in this week’s Torah reading that G-d Himself is a great designer. In fact, numerous parshiot in the Torah deal with G-d’s very specific instructions as to how to design, measure and decorate the Tabernacle, its vessels and accessories. From acacia wood to pure gold overlays, to cooper and silver and curtains, down to the detail and moldings, G-d too loves His house down here on earth. And He wants it the way He wants it, as His supernal blueprint has reverberations and impact beyond our limited comprehension. 

But the one thing we can understand with our limited comprehension is that the focus of the Tabernacle was not its gilded grandeur, but rather, it was a place to inspire service of the heart, devotion and awe.  It was a place constructed on earth as a dwelling place for the Divine. 

Our own homes too, whether they be simple or sumptuous, are also meant to be a dwelling place for G-d.  But, when we ignore that truth, and evict G-d to make room for foreign imports, the walls come crashing down and if not physically then with business problems, health issues, or family discord. “And if it displeases you to serve the L-rd, choose this day whom you will serve…but as for me and my household, we shall serve the L-rd." (Joshua 24:15) 

 How are you using your home, its contents and your possessions to serve G-d? When was the last time you used your car to offer a lift to a senior citizen standing at the bus stop?  Have you prayed over the bread that’s on your table? Are your Mikasa dishes kosher? Are the walls in your home witnesses to prayers or gossip? Beware, for one day they will testify about all your conversations.   

Does your kitchen counter have a charity box on it, or only a repurposed can with emergency cash? Have you only uplifted your spirits with fancy scented candles or have you struck a match to light Shabbat candles? It takes the same amount of time, but even after these holy Shabbat wicks die, the mitzvah will glow eternally. 

We know how to maximize the returns on our financial investments. In what way do we use our blessings to earn more blessings and to make our lives an altar to G-d? 

The three Hebrew letters on your front door mezuzah are Shin, Dalet, Yud. They stand for Shomer Daltot Yisrael, the Guardian of the doors of Israel. They also spell one of G-d’s Ineffable Names. But as that beautiful mezuzah is angled to point toward your home, are you really deserving of G-d’s protection? Would He want to enter? What in your home and behavior therein is sanctifying Him and His name that would give Him incentive to even want to do anything for you? Forget market value, when G-d assess your home, would it hold any true worth at all according to His criteria? Is it a Jewish home or a home filled with Jews? 

Some say home is where the heart is. But if G-d and His will do not dwell among you, what kind of heart do you really have? 

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