That's ALL You Are?

B'H It’s a strange feeling when we leave a job and our business cards become instantly obsolete as we are no longer who they say we are. We feel important by affiliation and often feel like nothings when we don’t have impressive credentials to back us up, great jobs, a good business, a rich husband, rich parents, Ivy League schools, a platinum level credit card, etc. We stand there insecure, vulnerable, reassessing our own worth. Who am I without all that? (Listen to shiur on Soundcloud) 

And you are right, if you feel like a nothing without all that then you are nothing by your own math. Fancy titles hypnotize us and we come to believe our own lies and illusions. We feel the need to embellish our resumes and exaggerate how great were our vacation spots. The Talmud calls this world alma d’shikra, the world of lies. Everything is a misrepresentation. No, there is nothing wrong with putting our best foot forward, as long as it is our foot—as long as we don’t mistake the delusory huge shadows that our tiny feet cast for reality itself. Being a phony or a fraud is defeating the purpose of our own creation.

As a journalist, at the onset of my career, meeting the famous was exciting, I was impressed with myself--a superstar by affiliation. Two decades later, half the people I’ve interviewed have died (most recently Jackie Mason, z”l). Does that make me dead by affiliation too, G-d forbid? When you rub shoulders with such people, what really rubs off? Perhaps you learn a little, but for the most part it is a fake world bamboozled and simultaneously paranoid with itself. At what expense are we hanging on to our titles, prestige or make-belief visions of self? A whole life goes by without truth. I’m so lucky that I have such strong faith and belief in G-d because when I finally realized I was living in a vapid world of make-believe there was something that was real and unchanging for me to grasp on to, G-d and His Torah, my miner’s  torch in a dark world.

I have met some very decent people too, but I can truly say that my proudest affiliation is with G-d. Working for Him alone is when I really became a somebody. And, I’m most fulfilled by my latest title. No, it is not editor-in-chief, producer,  pundit or Queen of Questions; It is servant of G-d. In this job what is real about me has lasted, the stardust is gone with the wand. My cover stories of famous people are now more ancient and irrelevant than a Roman war chariot and yet my weekly Torah blogs from prior years spring eternal. For the Torah has no expiration date; it is the Tree of Life and all who cling to it shall live.

We have only to look to Moses as the ideal role model. He never applied for the greatest job in history. He was assigned it nonetheless for he had life’s greatest and rarest trait: humility. The greatest prophet in history, who spoke face-to-face with G-d, did not have business cards that read Prophet-in-Chief or CEO of the Torah. A midrash teaches that Moses begged G-d to let him enter the Land even as a beast of the field because titles didn’t matter to Moses. His humility and faith made him the worthy and blessed vessel to receive the greatest gift ever given to humanity, the Torah. Yesterday’s magazines with their great cover stories are all in the dumpster while G-d’s Book still sits on almost every bedside table. King David's humility too made him the greatest king in history: "And I am a worm and not a man." (Psalms 22:17)

Today, our egos and pride are so massive that we don’t want to face the truth of who we are. It’s like a super model looking into the mirror with no makeup on. Ouch!: “I’m not what the world thinks I am.” And so we begin to lie even to ourselves and figuratively sleep with our makeup on. But that is no way to live. We must learn from our forefathers to find the courage within and know we can succeed even if we think we are “lacking” in one way or another, i.e., we had the wrong parents, we are short or fat, we never finished school, we are not rich, we don’t have the gift of gab, etc. The Satan will supersize our perceived inefficiencies to convince us that we can’t succeed. Don’t listen. The Torah not only forbids speaking negative words against another but also listening to them. So why would you listen to the Satan when he speaks badly about you to you? Moses had a speech impediment and yet he was the deliverer of G-d’s word; Before he was king, David was a short shepherd who took down Goliath singlehandedly and became a warrior; Queen Esther was said to be green skinned (whatever that means,) yet she, from all the maiden of the land won King Achashverosh’s heart thus saving her people; Jacob was the surefooted leader of the 12 tribes, surefooted with a limp, that is; Rahab was a prostitute who did teshuvah and married none other than Joshua, Moses' blessed disciple. 

As for the inanimate kingdom which seems locked into its destiny, well, a staff turned into a snake, a sea parted in two and a rock gave forth water. Those are just a few examples. You see my friends, it is really the world of lies which limits us. Long before today’s pop culture gurus, our Torah teaches us that when we cling to Hashem, the Divine spirit that animates us, nothing is impossible. You can do it! Corona and its repercussions had many people ripping up their “prestigious” calling cards. Hashem is beckoning—it is time to listen, demote the "cards" and hear the calling.

Shabbat Shalom!

Is Grandpa at the Zoo?

I can’t help but laugh when Rabbi Yaron Reuven says that it is no wonder this generation has no respect for their parents since evolution teaches that we all descended from monkeys. With feelings of superiority, how can we value what and who came before us if we think that our parents and grandparents are one mitochondrial mutation away from being a baboon. And so, in this generation we value the new, the young and the beautiful--the evolved. Seniors in our world, well, they have overstayed their welcome. Their usefulness has expired. They are just old monkeys. That is all true if you are an ardent evolutionist. But if you believe that man is not a fancy monkey and that G-d Himself created mankind in His own Divine image, then your time travel to the past will uncover people far superior to us. Adam himself was the most beautiful person who ever existed; he radiated with G-dliness. Then he sinned. And ever since mankind has degenerated in physical and spiritual stature. When Jews pray, we ask G-d to help us in merit of our forefathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, not because G-d forbid they were monkeys, but rather because they were spiritual giants whose greatness lives still and has the power to redeem us. King Solomon writes in Proverbs, “My son, heed the [Torah] discipline of your father, And do not forsake the Torah instruction of your mother” – because without them, it is we who are the vapid, heartless, selfie-obsessed immoral monkeys running after every shiny new toy.

Whose fault it is, I can’t say. Perhaps some parents of our times were so busy giving their kids what they didn’t have, money, status, comfort, gadgets, etc., that they forgot to give them what they did have: a Jewish heritage, a moral compass, a heart, respect, a sense of duty toward our ancestors and Jewish Homeland. Perhaps they too dismissed an ancestry which singled them out finding foreign cultures and their values more exciting and intoxicating. But by that omission, by not passing the torch of Torah, they snuffed out their own worth and perpetuation making it ever harder for all to obey the commandment about which this article is concerned: honoring our parents. After all, monkey see; Monkey do.

Throughout most of my life, my mother owned a nursing home for the elderly. And though my mother’s senior residence was great, I couldn’t understand how any child could place his/her parents in what I regarded as a luxurious home for the unwanted. I do understand that in some cases home care is not feasible--I get it! But very often it is. And it is then that I truly question at what point does a parent become unvalued, unwanted and a burden? In this cold-hearted, self-centered “Me Me Me” generation, I observe that it’s way too soon--perhaps once the assets are securely transferred.  Or when parents need help and there is no more gain or benefit to help them. 

For one reason or another, I have walked the halls of many senior institutions in my life. I’ve heard the cries of the elderly grievously calling the names of loved ones. It’s haunting. I’ve looked into the eyes of the sad and soulless who died in spirit long ago and I ask myself, “Where are their children? Are they not ashamed?” I’ve seen people make better arrangements for their dogs. For me it is no mystery why Covid took so many of our elderly; We didn’t deserve them. So important is the obligation to honor our parents that it is included on the first tablet which lists our duties to G-d. “Honor your father and your mother as the Lord your G-d commanded you, in order that your days be lengthened, and that it may go well with you….”

I’m lucky. I know. I had great parents growing up and loving them was easy. But nowhere in the Torah does it tell you to love your parents. It says to love your neighbor, to love the stranger, to love G-d, but for parents it commands you to honor them and to fear them. The Hebrew word for “honor” is kaved. The same Hebrew word also means heavy and burdensome. G-d knows some parents are impossible to love, some easy to dislike. But as burdensome as honor is, it is doable. So do it.   Did you know you are not even allowed to sit in your parents’ chair and you are not allowed to contradict them undiplomatically unless they oppose the Bible’s teachings and even then with kid gloves? If you curse them or hit them, the Torah calls for the death penalty. 

Don’t talk badly about your parents, especially to your own kids. It’s a sin and soon you will find yourself the victim of their vilification.  Dr. Freud made it very easy for people to vent against their parents and blame them for the world’s ills. We never see in the Bible any of the Patriarchs speaking ill of their parents. Abraham, the father of monotheism and Judaism, the father of many nations, was the son of an idol manufacturer. We never hear a word about it from Abraham. “Ah my father was *&%$@; if it weren’t for him, blah, blah….” We never hear Cain blame his parents for eating the forbidden fruit and bringing troubles to the world. Esau, about whom it is written that G-d hates him, never as far as the text indicates, spoke ill of his father for giving his birthright to his brother instead. Who made blamed their parents in the Bible? Today, I personally know many incidents of impatient adult children fighting with and cursing their parents because they won’t hand over the keys to the business before they retire or die. That being said, there is no statute of limitations on honoring one’s parents.  A person is bound to honor his parents forevermore even after the tombstone is erected. Every action and behavior in this life reflects on those who raised you and the G-d that breathed life into you. 

Remember your children are watching you. Show them the value of loving and honoring a parent. There is more to life than the mall and money. And maybe, just maybe, they will remember you too one day. As they march into the future teach them that they are the children of Israel, a holy people-- descendants of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, so that they know from whence they come and to where they are going. Most importantly it will instruct them how to walk the line between the points, like a Jew. 

Shabbat Shalom!

 

Why Can’t We Hear It?

To be honest, I never really liked ritual prayers. It demands discipline, focus, consistency and, well, it takes up time. All those requisites challenged the artistic free spirit that I am. And though I’m a religious woman, I’ve stretched the leniency afforded to women regarding prayers as I’m always busy and in a rush. But my nagging feelings of guilt forced me to reckon with a question that is relevant to us all: “To where are we really rushing if G-d is not accompanying our journey?” And so, “I bit the bullet,” as they say, and started praying. Turns out that it is not a "bullet," but truly a curative time-release capsule for every soul. I was finally talking to G-d as did our fathers and their fathers before them. That dedication came with colossal expectations on my part: “G-d, I’m finally talking to you properly (and loving it), now when are you going to start talking to me?” What chutzpa! I then recalled the Yiddish expression:  Mahn lernt aun lernt aun men shtarbt a nar, i.e., “Man learns and learns and dies a fool.” Because the truth is, G-d is talking to us ALL the time. The problem is that we are all hard of hearing. Watch this article on YouTube

This week, we began reading the last of the Five Books of Moses, Devarim. In English it is called, Deuteronomy. But only in Hebrew is it called what it really is, Devarim, which means both “words” and “things.” Why should we care? Because every single THING that happens to us in life is a conversation with the Almighty. Ein od milvado (There is nothing but Him). The world was created by G-d’s words and thus everything that happens in our life is the “words” of G-d manifested as “things,” i.e., happenings, incidents, sickness, a trip and fall, etc. If we want to change the course of our dialogue with the Divine, instead of turning a blind eye to the truth, perhaps it is time to give ear to what He is telling us.

When things go well for us, we walk through life sure-footedly and trust the ground beneath us. And then we have an unprecedented building collapse. Then we can’t help but pause, ponder, look up and ask “What’s going on?” Perhaps because we didn’t pay attention last year when a bolt of lightning and its accompanying roaring thunder nearly hit the Statue of Liberty we are reminded again. The visual was spectacular; The warning was in the air. For the Talmud teaches: “Thunder was created only in order to straighten the crookedness of the heart.” The global symbol of freedom and power, Lady Liberty, almost hit by the finger of G-d should have been an eye opener. Don’t be sure of anything. Fast forward one year: Almost to the day, this past week, a bolt of lightning destroyed a mural honoring the late George Floyd whose death has catapulted the trajectory of self-destruction that the USA is on currently.

Around the globe, there is one disaster after another including a third wave of Covid. As I write this, 1500 people are missing in Germany due to a storm the likes of which have not been seen since WWII. Then there is Iran with its unabated nuclear ambitions; and of course, there is the ever-growing monopoly of big tech that is controlling our minds and mouths more than G-d Himself does. My examples may appear as a hodgepodge of events for those who need the picture on the box to assemble a jigsaw puzzle. But my dear friends, as the Torah has predicted, it is G-d actually talking to us—and not in a sweet whisper.

“Is there any good news?” my brother always asks me when I forbode doom and gloom. Yes! We are still alive and we can change the trajectory with one book: The Torah. We cannot ignore G-d’s signs anymore. We’ve lost our moral grip and everything is a consequence. In no place where we stand can we forget before WHOM we stand: G-d. But we have. Yes, every single instant in our life is a conversation with G-d with the opportunity to elevate the moment from Shabbat to giving charity, to keeping kosher to behaving like a mensch. But too often--and I hate to say it--we shut Him up and instead are reactionary in the form of routine, habit, anger, jealousy, lust, laziness, apathy, greed, etc. How often His messengers and rabbis, myself included, are shut up as well, “Ok, OK it’s enough with G-d and the Torah.”  Woe is us. For the sages teach that if you leave G-d for one day, He will leave you for two. Some are still crying that Elvis left the building, Surfside shows what happens when G-d does.

These past three weeks mark the saddest times in Jewish history culminating Saturday night on Tisha B’Av, the saddest day of all. On that day we fast and mourn the destruction of both our Holy Temples which were destroyed because we sinned (for “lightning” surely did hit twice in the same place.)  So why is that our problem? We were not there and it wasn’t we who sinned. But G-d is still talking to us, to you and to me. For the rabbis teach that each generation has to blame itself that the third Temple was not yet rebuilt. Meaning, we are sinning still. The Temple is called the place where heaven and earth kiss, where G-d and his people come together. But we are an idolatrous nation who puts everything before G-d. That certainly would ruin any relationship, try it with your wife or boss. Good luck!

I used to like the mobile phone advertisement wherein a person had to stand on the roof of his building for good reception and made popular the phrase: “Can you hear me now?” G-d is saying that same sentence. And it has me worried how many more “things” will have to occur and to what extent G-d will have to shout before we understand that He’s been talking to us the whole time. A society getting its moral codes and cues from the likes of Netflix, instead of Torah, is in very big trouble. It is time to hit the mute button on stupidity and the degenerate filth we’ve normalized. For I truly fear that the next time G-d asks again “Can you hear Me now?” it will be painfully deafening and several decibels too late. Watch it on YouTube

Shabbat Shalom!

Where Are You?

So many of us are going through such difficult times in our lives these days. It is rare I speak to someone lately, including myself, who doesn’t feel their problems are unprecedentedly huge and seemingly insurmountable. We cling to the refrain that “the sun will come out tomorrow.” But then tomorrow comes and goes and we still feel trapped in an intractable Groundhog Day. And we suffer great sorrow; Our depression deepens; Our hope fades. And then we blame everyone for our problems and then question, “Where is G-d?" The irony is that when we evaluate the troubles of others we know--even though we don’t voice our thoughts--that most of their difficulties are produced at home, i.e., self-made; Yet, we never see our own culpability with the same clarity and so all our efforts to dig ourselves out of our problems seem to bury us even further.

Friends, the sages teach that for every step we take away from G-d, He takes a step away from us. So instead of asking where He is as we try to navigate the stormy seas of life, each of us must first ask “Where am I?” “What does G-d want from me that I’m not doing?”  If the Almighty seems remote and distant from us as individuals and as a nation, it is because we ourselves have “traveled” far and speedily in the wrong direction. One sentence in this week’s Torah reading spoke to me loudly and clearly, “be aware of your sin which will find you.” Permit me to translate this archaic English sentence to modern day vernacular: “We ain’t gonna get away with anything.” So, here’s a call to action: Stop. Pivot and start walking in the right direction. Remember that the first time the question “Where are you?” was asked, it was asked by G-d Himself after man sinned. G-d’s words are eternal and so that question reverberates through all time. We are looking for Him; He is looking for us—but lest we forget, we walked first!

In this week’s Torah reading, we read of all the 42 encampments (and backtracking) the Israelites set up and broke down during their 40 years of wandering. Not an easy, smoothly-paved road. They underwent plagues, wars, rebellions, thirst, snakes and other travails. Instead of turning to the Almighty, a nation finally freed from bondage cried to return to Egypt when they faced struggles. But,  like us, they too created many of the bumps and hurdles by themselves by continually sinning and rebelling against G-d and failing the many tests set before them. God is always trying to teach us something and make us better, even if we don’t approve of “the accommodations.” So, in our own lives, instead of hating every second of the “now,” perhaps we should question what spiritual failing is holding us back and why issues are manifesting altogether. 

The reason we often find ourselves stuck in one perpetual torturous Groundhog Day is because we have not yet learned the lessons and passed the tests. In actuality, we are on a spiral and not stuck in a loop. Though we think we are passing the same point over and over again and experiencing similar situations, it is always on a different level: either a higher one or a lower depending on what we do with the G-d given moment.

Do you personally really want to “wander” blindly for years and decades and wonder why your life resembles a man-made disaster zone that only G-d can repair? Or would you prefer to take matters into your own hands? Start keeping kosher, lighting Sabbath candles, pick up a book on Judaism, put Netflix on pause and watch a Torah class on YouTube instead. Whatever you are doing, do more. Start cleaning up somewhere in your spiritual house and before you start looking for G-d in times of crisis, look for you. Where are you?

The sages teach us that sin sullies our souls and blocks us from the G-dly light, the only true light to guide our way. We become so veiled and dirtied by sin that we can neither be, nor see, the light. Hence the darkness we are experiencing. We are mired in a swamp of our own creation. No amount of bathing in Purell can clean up our filth or save us. In fact, they say that sunlight is the best disinfectant, but that's not true either--Torah is! Turning back to Hashem and His Torah is the only “vaccine” that makes us impervious to threat and that can save our souls and our lives. In our arrogance, we think we know better than G-d. How’s that been working out for us? The world is a mess and our strongholds are imploding. My beloved friends, it’s time to check our "pedometer" apps, look over our shoulders and see how far we’ve walked away…

                                                                             Shabbat Shalom!

You Are So Much More

As it is a time of mourning for three weeks due to the many tragedies that befell our people, Jews are not allowed to partake in joyous occasions, such as marriages, shopping for clothes,  listening to music, etc. Therefore, I was forced to put my Alexa app to another use today. Instead of requesting harp instrumental or Debussy, I decided to ask her a question: “Alexa. What is the health tip of the day?” I was hoping for some nutritional tip that would keep me young forever. To no avail. Alexa’s answer took an unexpected turn; she said, “Forgive yourself.” Wow, I didn't see that one coming. But as always, God fills my pen with His words. After all, what is forgiveness? Isn’t it truly the healthiest thing that we can do? For if we continually beat ourselves up over yesterday, what chance does today or tomorrow have?

For the purposes of this article, I'd like to fiddle around with the definition of self forgiveness. I will thus define it as breaking away from the past to extricate ourselves healthily so that we can move forward with optimism, positivity and G-dly light. Be certain, it is Satan himself who wants to keep us in a state of unrelenting regret, to keep us bitter, insecure and fearful. Whatever a coach does to cheer on his team to victory, Satan does the opposite. He poisons us with a defeatist mentality to keep us in a state of mourning over who we are, what we have done and from where we’ve come. He’s the confidence destroyer who makes a powerful unforgiving case against us sprinkled with manipulative anecdotes. He is none other than the Angel of Death who has come to kill our potential because he knows that the moment we become self-forgiving, we are freed from his fatal clutches and back in G-d’s Hands wherein all the things are possible.

I cannot help but think of King David as the best example. He was but a mere shepherd boy. He could not tolerate that the Israelites cowered before the Philistines. Even though he was not tall or trained as a warrior, he decided that he would be the one to fight Goliath. A mere lad with a slingshot stepped forward while all the King's men trembled before their fatal foe. When David was given King Saul’s armor to take on Goliath, miraculously, although he was of a smaller stature than King Saul, the armor fit him perfectly. With untempered devotion and faith in God, he did not put limitations upon his potential and hence reality catered to his will. Nonetheless, King David shed the royal armor because he felt more comfortable in his own skin. It is not the armor, nor the crown, nor your stature that defines you. It is your will and the spirit of God that will animate the steps you take in life and the blessings that accompany them.

So many of us are encumbered by past debts and would be only too happy to hear the creditors say that they forgive those debts. The same concept applies here: Don't let the past and who you think you are or what you've done weigh you down. Learn, “forgive” and move on. Feed your body and soul with new information. Even on a physical level, we know that our body replaces around 330 billion cells per day and scientists say that within 80 days we are for the most part a completely new person, so act like one!

In this week’s Torah reading of Pinchas, we are introduced to numerous situations where people were born into a “situation” that didn’t dictate nor assure their journey in life. Pinchas, in an act of zealotry and against his more docile and peace-loving nature as a grandson of Aharon, killed an Israelite prince and his Midianite paramour in honor of God Who prohibited such a union. The act curbed God’s wrath against the nation, stopped a plague and as a result Pinchas and his offspring were rewarded by God Himself. He acted in contrary motion to his limitations and thus opened up a whole new world for himself.

The next example we see is that of the five daughters of Tzelafchad who petition Moses that they be granted the portion of the land belonging to their father, who died without sons. Their petition is successful and is incorporated into the Torah’s laws of inheritance. On a practical level yes, they stood in for sons. But on a deeper level, though they did not have the power to conquer the land as did men, there are many ways to conquer: Sometimes it is with kindness, love, discipline, integrity and prayer. What is important to learn here is a lesson we learn in Ethics of Our Fathers, where it is written: “In a place where there is no man, strive to be a man.” Step in and step up.

In this parasha we are also briefly reminded of Korach's fate. The earth opened up and swallowed him and his cohorts for rebelling against Moses' leadership. But we are also reminded that "Korach's sons did not die." Why? Because they separated themselves from their father's evil ways and repented. As such, "they merited that Samuel the Prophet would be one of their descendants." We can cast off the "sins" of our "fathers" by being children of Hashem and keeping His Torah. Forgive yourself from whence you came and take ownership of where you are going. It should certainly teach us something that nobody is interested in buying yesterday's newspaper.

The next example in this Torah portion is the transference of Moses’ leadership to Joshua. Moses had sons, why didn’t one of them get the job? Because being a Jew isn’t about nepotism; not your father, or yesterday’s victories (or defeats), our last year’s applause or all your connections in the world are going to make you the person you need to be, only you can do that yourself by living day to day from struggle to struggle, by recognizing you are not struggling alone and that the power of G-d is with you.

The final example is Chushim, the son of Dan, who was deaf. The census taken shockingly showed that the tribe of Dan had 20,000 more people than the tribe of Benjamin even though Dan had only one son (Chushim) while Benjamin had ten. Due to Chushim’s “handicap” he was not subject to frivolous distractions and dissenting voices. He was focused and fought for his grandfather Yaacov’s honor. His story shows how handicaps and burdens can be the source of inspiration and the drivers of ultimate success (Rebbetzin Jungresi, Z’L).

Dig deep my dear friends, for the treasure is inside of you waiting to be discovered. It is there--and don’t let anyone or anything tell you otherwise. Shabbat Shalom.

Dedicated to the memory of my best friend Pinchas (Phil) who never let me cower in retreat but always told me, “You can do it,” no matter what the challenge was. Those words were among the greatest gifts I ever got. May his neshamah have an Aliyah.