What Happened to My Big Fat "Thank You"?

Both personally and professionally, I’ve known too many people who have a “use them and abuse them” mentality. These egocentrics regard other people as cogs in a system whose sole raison d’etre is to revolve around their needs and ambitions. You are here to serve them and once you’ve done all you can, your usefulness has expired. They will find others to use and abuse. These thankless people may regard themselves as geniuses in their game of life, but the Torah regards them as Pharaohs, as arrogant enemies of Hashem.

We read in this week’s Torah portion, Shemot, about Joseph’s death and how “a new king arose over Egypt who knew not Joseph”-- the very Joseph who was the only man who could interpret Pharaoh’s dreams and who was appointed viceroy, standing only second to Pharaoh. The Joseph who made the country rich and saved it from ruin; The Joseph about whom  all of Egypt heard when his brothers had arrived. Yes, that famous Joseph, with a coat of many colors, who we all still know about thousands of years later, yet, somehow, Pharaoh just couldn’t seem to remember him. 

 

After all, remembering comes with a heavy price - we might have to say “Thank you.” And so, the new Pharaoh showed his gratitude by enslaving Israel and murdering their firstborn. Talk about appreciation! Some of our sages explain that the “new Pharaoh” was not a different person at all, but rather the very same Pharaoh who arose with a NEW attitude. Once the bad times were over, he figured the Jews were expendable.  He thought himself a G-d and didn’t want to be outdone or overpowered by the people who made him successful. 

 

The Torah teaches us a very different lesson about gratitude. After all the Egyptians did to the Israelites over their long years of slavery, the Torah commands us, “You shall not hate an Egyptian, for you were a sojourner in his land” (Deuteronomy 23:8). The Biblical commentator Rashi explains that we are not permitted to despise them because they hosted us in a time of need. If we can’t hate those who tormented us because they were once good to us, imagine how much more we owe those who were good to us. We must appreciate and consider the efforts on their part which made our lives better and easier even if only for a moment. Sometimes it is just a merciful moment that can save us from despair.

 

Other examples in Judaism offer us sensitivity training and appreciation:  For instance, if we decide to change the mere casing of a mezuzah wherein a holy parchment was once contained, whether we change it to upgrade our decor or if the prior one was rotten or broken, it can’t just be thrown away in a garbage can. There is a respectful means of disposal;  Moses wouldn’t strike the waters and turn them to blood because the waters had once saved his life; We hide the challah on Shabbat under a cloth so as not to embarrass it when we first pray over the wine. All out of respect and gratitude. The Torah also prohibits needless destruction, directly or indirectly, of anything that may be of use to people. 

 

Thus, if inanimate objects which served us can’t be dismissed irreverently or disrespected, imagine how much more so are human beings to be treated with appreciation, dignity and gratitude if they helped us. When we are famished, it is easy to thank G-d for the sandwich in front of us. But the Torah commands us to say thank you also when we finish satisfying our appetites. 

 

It is actually only when we are in a perpetual state of gratitude that our best blessings are yet to come. “King Hezekiah had great messianic potential. G-d made great miracles for him...But because he did not sing a song of praise to G-d for the miracle, he was not appointed to be the Mashiach. (Sanhedrin 94a via Rabbi Avraham Arieh Trugman).  Gratitude is a fundamental of Judaism. In fact, the term "Yehudi"-- Jew, comes from the Hebrew name Yehuda, which means thanks and gratitude. It is thus from the tribe of Yehuda that the Mashiach will come. 

 

Everything comes from G-d. Even if we can’t stand the “messengers” He uses to execute His will, we have to be thankful. When we are not, we snub not only those who help us, but G-d as well. The Hebrew word for “thank you” is todah 

(תודה); When those same letters are permuted, they spell the word dotah (דותה) which means “illness.” When we are unthankful we are like an emotionally “sick” person and we separate ourselves from the Almighty. 

 

It seems we often remember what we do for others, even the $5 we lent someone 20 years ago, and insist we are only upset "on principle" that they didn’t pay us back. But when we owe others, we can manufacture excuses a mile a minute as to why the account has been settled. We overvalue ourselves in the giving and undervalue favors when we are taking. 

 

At the end of the day, it all comes down to one thing. Are you a Pharaoh with a short term convenient memory? Have you rewritten history to fit your own narrative wherein you are a superhero and the other is vilified? Or are you a mensch? Are you a grateful person?

 

And for those of us who feel like the steps on the ladder, know that the Hebrew word for ladder (sulam) and Sinai (the host mountain where G-d gave His commandments) both have the same numerical value of 130. So, know you’ve done the right thing and your deeds add up to G-d’s will. He too gives endlessly and gets little thanks. Just be grateful that the Almighty endowed you with something to give. And know that G-d has a long term memory, despite all those who quickly forget!  Watch the shiur on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJatjSxWA2E&t=2s

(In Memory of my uncle Joe, Yechiel ben Mosheh, may his neshama have an aliyah; And for refuah shleima for Rivkah bat Menucha Mintzia)

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The flames were serene and ethereal this year. No flickering, no turmoil. In unison they seemed to radiantly beam from the oil-filled menorah cups to Heaven itself. I always wished I could read the flames like the kabbalists could and know what they are trying to say. But their lights remain ever a mystery, and they burn until they are no more. Their final glow dissolves into a whisper of smoke and leaves me wondering what happens to that otherworldly light that envelops our homes for an octet of luminescent days? Life feels darker. They take with them their warmth and certainty only to be replaced by chilly intimidating shadows. And then I remember the words of Isaiah “And the nations shall walk at your light, and the kings at the brightness of your rising.” My fellow Jews, the torch has been passed to us: We ourselves are the lights that must live on once the festive candelabras are placed back up on the high shelf. We are the flames that must burn radiantly in our service to G-d and with our faith in Him. For it is only in the roaring eternal fire called faith, that we can extricate ourselves from the gravitational pull of uncertainty, fear, darkness and assimilation—and hence shine on.

Interestingly, it is at this time of year when the nights just start to get shorter and the light begins to prevail that we read parashah “Mikketz” wherein Joseph is released from prison with great haste. Joseph who once found himself in the darkness of a snake-filled pit into which his brother’s had cast him and then later in the darkness of Pharaoh’s dungeon could have chosen to give up. What truly did he have to live for after being sold into slavery? His life seemed to be going from bad to worse. His brothers stripped him of his coat of many colors, also taking from him his pride, his innocence, and the years he could have been living peacefully by his father’s side. In some measure they killed everything about him, except faith and the light of G-d that burned inside him. Luckily, faith knows not shackles nor taskmasters nor pits or self pity—it sees only the light. The Bible teaches us something very interesting about Joseph’s attitude throughout his great suffering. The dungeon to which he is condemned is called Beit Hasohar, the “house of light.” Even in the depths of a dark dungeon, Joseph maintained his faith in God, he remained optimistic and hopeful and he created his own “light.” It was a house of light because he himself shone. 

We must learn to do the same as we go through our own trials and tribulations. With laser-like intensity keep faith shining until it cuts right through the “dungeon” wall. It is a sin to succumb to despair and it is idol worship to believe that life is only worth living when we are riding high. In the story of Chanukah we learn how the golden Temple menorah had been stolen and there was only enough pure olive oil to last one day. The Maccabees didn’t sit around lamenting the darkness of their circumstance. They made a cheaper metal menorah. And the one day’s worth of oil miraculously lasted eight days. If only we would stoke our souls and refine our faith like pure olive oil, the miraculous light of Chanukah would be with us 365 days a year. In fact Jews are compared to olives for many reasons, one of them being that olives must be squeezed hard to yield their oil and it is through that pressing and those hardships that we yield pure light. The test and salvation is to see the light even while still in the “pressing.”

For just as abruptly as Joseph’s problems came upon him, they left him with equal speed as he was beckoned to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams. He went from being a prisoner to being the second most powerful man in Egypt. The cause of his woes, dreams, ultimately became his cure. My friends, the trials and hardships inflicted on man are limited. Just when a person least expects salvation, it is just around the corner. There is a season for everything in our lives, even a winter of discontent. 

All the above is poetically inspiring but also useless if we only have faith in Hashem but give Him no reason to have faith in us. Joseph did not survive Egypt simply because he had faith; that would just make him a positive thinker. Self-help guru, Tony Robbins,  could have taught him that too. He survived and triumphed because G-d had reason to have faith in him. Despite all the perverse influences around him, he behaved like a Jew is commanded to behave and maintained his unique identity. The most beautiful woman in the world made daily advances toward him and he did not succumb because his father’s face and all the moral teachings of his faith guided his conscience and his deeds. Just like the Maccabees withstood the temptations of Hellenism, he withstood the corrupting influences of Egypt. Each prevailed.

No I cannot read the candles flames as I wish I could, but that is not my business after all. My job as is yours is to look our faith in the face and be honest. If a Jew really had faith in G-d he wouldn’t work on the Sabbath because he’d have faith G-d would provide. If he had faith he wouldn’t be scared to give charity because he’d be sure of G-d’s charity toward him.  If he had faith he wouldn’t dishonestly try and manipulate results in his life. He would do everything so differently because a person of faith will “let go and let G-d.” He would try but not over try. In all our worldly affairs we believe one hand washes the other, yet when it comes to G-d we are ready to collect with both hands and serve with neither. Our job is to illuminate the world with divine light. How does one do that? By living with faith and living faithfully. It will make all your dealings straight. Our faith mandates us to “shine” for all to see, just as the menorah’s lights must not be kept private, but rather must be placed in visible locations. We are not destined to be dimwits or dim-watts but rather a light among the nations. My beloved Yidden, we are bearers of the light. That is not our calling card--that is our calling!

                                                                                                            Shabbat Shalom!

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